Letters To My Crushes: Letter 5

Dear crush,

I write this letter to you -

I have been meaning to write this letter to you informing you that I -

No, I wanted to inform you that I-

This is hard. Why don't I erase these words? Well, I gotta show you how hard this is. It takes bravely to do something like this. I just want to be careful that's all. 

I will just say what I gotta say straightforward. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I have a crush on you. I mean I had a crush on you. I mean- I still have a crush on you. I am not really sure anymore. It has been a hard journey on my own. The downside of crushing on someone. The ups and downs of this journey have been scarier than a roller coaster.

I am still puzzled by how I got infected by this infatuation syndrome. It was never in my plans to feel this way for you. I might sound like I regret this but I owe so many poems to you. The need to let the words out of my mouth led to creation of masterpieces that couldn't have existed had life taken another path.

Dear boy that made my heart wither like the leaves of autumn. Boy who was the sun himself. I wrote a poem about a boy I could never have. How quick my heart beat at the mention of his name. How happy I became whenever our eyes met. A girl sure can dream. And poems only can hold her emotions. He shines too bright that she doesn't need the sun anymore. But she falls to the ground to the night that exists when their paths have part. Pitch black the world she knows most as he exists in a world that crosses her orbit once in years.

And now you can see how I owe most of my art to you. I just wrote this line after line without blinking an eye. This love will forever bruise my heart. 

I wanted to confess but you had her name on your bio and you walked another girl to class. Sadly, I am happy to be your friend, I will hold onto that as I dream about our happily ever after at night. I can manage waving at you from a distance hiding my blushing face behind a mask. We have always been taught to appreciate what we are able to hold onto. I appreciate knowing that at the back of your mind, I exist as a friend even if one you don't think about at all.

I might not be the girl you are looking for but I can be one you might never forget. The love that you could hold in your memories exists in my wildest dreams. Those dreams that flash before my eyes every time I see you. I sound pathetic I know but these emotions hold my heart captive. If I could let them go, I would.

So dear crush, if you ever get to know it is you, I am talking about, don't let me know unless you want to be with me. Don't make me walk on eggshells if I won't get an omelet. 

The feisty attitude aside. Thank you for existing within the panorama of my life. 

Sincerely,

A.