I MET THE SUN

I hope I share the same frustrations with you. I have been feeling the opposite of my beliefs and morals. I seem to have lost my true self and got carried away. Is it possible that you can like a person and fail to get over them no matter how much you try? Can I call this real first love? But I kinda loved before even though it was as mere a crush as it is now. 

My life has never been this interrupted. I have had everything planned out and things went the way I wanted them to. Love was never one of the things I put my mind to. But it suddenly found me and turned my world upside down. I am a girl even though sometimes it can be hard to believe with this shaved head of mine. How school and hair fit in the same sentence, amazes me all the time. The perks of being born in Africa. I will leave the subject there. 

I guess no ship can sail calm waters all its life. No matter how many times I tried to deny that I was falling slowly, nothing would go back to how it was. A mark had been marked almost like a hickey. Like a hickey, this mark can disappear too. But in my case, it seems like I was marked by a vampire. I am afraid that he might turn out to be a nucleotide in my DNA. 

If only these words were accompanying pleasant memories to remember. I can only remember how fast my heartbeat for him, and how sad I was that I had spent a day without seeing him, all the stories I wanted to tell him, or how sad I got knowing I couldn't stop going back to thinking about him. Oh, how my heart beats in the pattern of his name. I wish I could sell these feelings no matter how much I am happy about them. 

Are you feeling my frustration? Maybe you need more insights. 

The human eyes find beauty differently. Mine were blinded by bright light. After adjusting to the sudden light, I could only see in that light. Darkness filled me whenever we were apart. I might have been able to reduce the magnitude by a certain percentage but his effect lasts like an atomic bomb effect. I could even call him a drug and as much as I am against drugs, I would overdose on him. 

Just by thinking about him, I am not sure I will be to sleep. There is a lot that comes to mind. Dreams I have dreamed about, daydreams that kept me idle for hours, glances I that make my heart skip a bit, poems that will last decades, and so much more. I guess the order I had in my life needed a little overlap. A little dose of ecstasy that seems to linger longer in my blood than intended. I guess when they say that to really change you also need to change the environment. I might need to duck his charms and walk away from a fairy tale.

Dear boy that has my heart on the tip of his finger, boy that is able to keep me sleepless, blow that heart back to me and let me be. The troubles the world throws my way are already too much to handle. So, pretty boy, you who prints a smile across my face, let the smile drop for a while. This is a little request from a girl who has been into you for a while. The waters seem too rapid to cross but if you hold your hand out to me, I might as well jump into a volcano with you.