I am alive

Control is a word that even though we know what it means and try to embrace it, we actually have no say in it sometimes. As human beings, we are born, raised, educated, employed, get married, give birth, raise, educate, and so on. From one human to another it is the same process. Some people might jump a few steps but there are things we just can't control. 

In history, we have read about all that happened before. Even with technology that has made us put the books down, there are a lot of digital footprints that mark the existence of a certain person. Now, everyone has a chance to leave a footprint on this earth. It is no longer about those who do good, it is about those who can get out of their comfort zones and show the world what they can do. This world is no longer focused on what makes a revolutionary change but what beats view records. People can only talk to show their support but can't enter their ATM pins to donate. What does it mean to be alive today?

What am I trying to say here? I also don't know. Being alive in this time is a good opportunity but it can as well be challenging as the waters are too hard to navigate. I have learnt from successful people, political leaders, and so many other people to dream big but I am confused. How big should I dream? Where can my dream be realized? Can it even be realized? Who else is dreaming as big as me? How am I to realize this dream? 

And then at some point I am discouraged by what I see on the news. I don't even like watching the news. I get disappointed by this world. I have a dream but is this world the right place? FYI, my dream might not be that big and important to everyone but it is still a dream. This society has got a lot of rules, stereotypes, expectations, etc. yet somehow it still puts its hope in you even after shuttering you completely. The way society is biased is so confusing. 

As human beings, we fear to live and leave only to be forgotten. We do all we can to be remembered. Some make it their dream to be remembered that they forget themselves just for others to remember them; they turn into monsters. They think to themselves, "If I can't make it to the top as a nice person, why not be remembered for having done the impossible? We all can't be Jesus but I can be the next Clyde Barrow. The technology is better and this world is filled with filthy liars. I wouldn't be the first sinner anyway but I would be written in history books." 

I have watched a couple of movies, read several books, watched the news, gone to church, and so on but why hasn't it appeared to me why we are on earth. Are we here to be born, keep each other company, and later leave? Why is it the same for everyone? Regardless of a few distinctive circumstances, we are born and later die. All we accumulated is left behind. Why suffer if we are to leave it here? Is this some kind of punishment that only those who have passed the test can go back quickly and those who didn't either perish forever or wait for time to be for another trial? Even with these questions, I have no control over my life.