Illegal

Hello diary,

I wish you could see me right now. You are the only one who knows my secrets yet you aren't alive to hold me tight and sing me sweet songs. You are not here to whisper beautiful encouraging words into my ear. If I ever lose you, I will have no one else who knows me. 

Diary, you know how much the people around me keep making me do whatever they want without giving me a moment to breathe. You know how the teachers scold for sleeping in class. If only you had ears, you would have heard everything from inside my bag where I always keep - no, where I hide you. Aren't the teachers the ones who should help me? They don't want to associate themselves with someone of a poor background like mine. It wouldn't be surprising to find my name on the tip of their tongues when they gossip about students amongst themselves. They act as if their lives are any better.

Diary, my heart can't beat as fast when I look at my crush anymore. The recent events and the trauma I harbor can't allow me to feel the butterflies. Even with the sun up in the sky, it is dark beside me. Guess what happened? My crush was laughing at me with his friends during lunch when one of the mean girls poured her milk 'accidentally' on my uniform. They said I don't deserve to exist. How could he say something like that? I will never love again. 

D-diary! I wish you were human! I wish you could come hug me! Wait! No, don't become human. Humans have all turned their backs on me. Even my family thinks I am crazy. They think I am playing victim like some character from a movie. I asked them to change my school but they said they couldn't waste money on something they are ashamed of. 

If you wondering, diary, I am crying. I apologize for wetting your precious pages. Would my tears also be bullied? Are they not the same as for others too? Would someone feel my pain from my tears? Diary, tell me. Why aren't you a magic diary? "Diary, diary! Who cares about me?"

Diary, I don't want to see tomorrow. I don't want to relive today. I don't want to be reborn as a happy person. I want to vanish and never exist again. I don't wish to hope, I want nothing but to never see any human again. But if I am unfortunate, let me find myself in All of us are dead. 

Diary, this is the last time we talk. I am about to take my own life. I am going to be selfish for the first time in my life. Don't grieve me. I shouldn't have existed. There is a limit to the pain a person can feel. And diary, I know you love me but don't send anyone from the Risk Management Team in Tomorrow. I don't want to be saved. 

I know taking a life, even if one's own life, is a crime but I can't take this anymore. I will live as a criminal if it means escaping from reality. I am not sorry.

Goodbye, diary.

Your once owner,

Chrystal.

The end.

Inspiration:

Tomorrow (Korean drama) and a conversation with a friend. 

As for Tomorrow, sorry for the spoiler, in episode two mostly, there is a young woman who wants to take her life. And people save her.

And, Sky Castle. There is a young man who leaves his diary to his parents. It was such a heartbreaking scene. 

All of us are dead is a Korean drama which takes place in a school. An infection spreads around the school through bites and many turn into zombies.